𝖮𝖯𝖤𝖭 —

[wrests]

pics, starters, texts, overflow.

Comments

[overplayed]

yennefer does not find me charming
she takes whatever i say churns it around in her head and construes it as insult
i could say lovely evening we’re having yennefer and she’d look at me like i’ve just puked on her manolos
which i would never do because i respect craftsmanship in footwear

( WELL AWARE THAT THIS IS ABSOLUTE PATHETIC MAN BEHAVIOR— ) can’t you speak to her and intercede on my behalf
perhaps say that unjust cursing is against the law and that there will be dire consequences if she does not lift mine
and that you’ll bust down her door and take her away in magic suppressing handcuffs to be locked up in a tower full of other supernatural criminals where undoubtedly she'll make friends and compatriots in evil 🥺

[wrests]

no no no i will not speak to her

( alexei will only give yennefer curse ideas. )

so be it
i will lock her up in jail and you will be safe
she will plot her revenge
get stronger from exercising all the time
join a gang of evil supernatural criminals and eventually escape and kill you
problem solved

[overplayed]

what is the timeline on this
does she wallow in a sad jumpsuit for years 1 and 2 while exchanging letters with geralt before joining the gang
or does the gang leader spot her doing squats in the courtyard in the first months and decide she is ripe for recruitment

[wrests]

time works different in magic jail
years pass in there and days here
by the time you feel safe she could already have six pack and new evil friends

[overplayed]

i don’t suppose i get a peek at these glorious prison-forged abdominals before i’m supernaturally brutalized and demons use my entrails as a jump rope

[wrests]

theres no magic jails i was joking

( laugh with him. ha ha ha. )

unless you count those amulets that send people to other dimensions

if you cannot speak to apologize then what about a letter?

[overplayed]

then where do the magic criminals go it not magic jail
do you just give them a little slap on the wrist before they go their merry way

( alexei you’re not funny!! )

a letter does seem to be the reasonable course of action
written word is less open to interpretation especially when well-crafted
and since you have refused to speak to the witch you must assist me in drafting the perfect apology

[wrests]

sure
we give them a little slap on the wrist

( let's not traumatize the poor baby any further. )

you are charming and clever enough to draft the perfect apology yourself
we russians are bad at apologizing
i would make it bad

[overplayed]

i’m sure you’re not as bad as you think
here imagine you have just wounded me with a grievous insult
and my face has crumpled like tissue
and it looks like i may need tissue for the river of tears streaming down my face

what would you say

[wrests]

what grievous insult would wound you to the point of tears

[overplayed]

well for the sake of the scenario let’s imagine you said

julian the greatest gift you have ever given your parents is leaving their household because you existed as a hopeless talentless blight that at every turn provided evidence that disappointment could reach new and exciting heights no one likes you and any tolerance of your presence is merely pity that when sustained will become hatred for you to cut yourself upon like the fool you always have been and always will be

[wrests]

horrible that's horrible
i would never say that
even if you pissed me off

( alexei's loathe language is acts of service, meaning he'll go smash julian's guitar or slash his bike tires. )

is this what you think of yourself?

[overplayed]

no
i believe that i am an immensely talented individual who at the very least is adored by the public
the 20 dollar bill that was dropped into my guitar case last week would be able to attest to that had i not spent it on a very fashionable ring that could very well appear as precious metal from a distance

let me revise:
you merely remarked that my outfit looked to be the result of a dive headfirst into the bargain bin

[wrests]

you see how i dress
i have no reason to insult how anyone else does

would you cry if i accidentally bumped into you and your very fashionable ring fell down a storm drain

[overplayed]

i think it would depend largely on the quality of the day i was having beforehand
and whether or not you would find it in your heart and wallet to sponsor a replacement

[wrests]

it should go without saying that i would pay you back for the lost ring
obviously i would if i couldn't fish it out of the drain

i don't know i can't think of a time i would be mean to you on purpose so i have nothing to apologize for
but whatever insult i could sling at you might not be as bad as the insult that yennefer feels you slung at her

[overplayed]

i am speaking very truthfully when i say i did not mean to sling anything at her
yennefer is beautiful terrifying and tempestuous and geralt is outwardly gruff internally soft and would tear out his own heart and serve it to her on a platter if the act would bring her joy and secure her affections
but he is unable to express that sentiment as he converses in single syllables grunts and the occasional eyebrow raise

they are both very lonely individuals who could find solace in each other if geralt were less repressed and yennefer less... just less
the passion between them is the stuff of songs but the inevitable heartbreak leads them to making very scary faces
that somehow end up pointed my direction
if anything i was trying to avert tragedy by intervening and sending in a third party

though now i am starting to feel a very uncomfortable guilt for doing so as it may have not been my place

[wrests]

and now write you're sorry and that's the letter
see you're capable of resolving this yourself

unless she doesn't accept it
we'll have to try something else then

[overplayed]

huh would you look at that
not only am i immensely talented but competent and capable

and not at all amenable to being salted like a slug should yennefer choose continued violence

[wrests]

if she does turn you into a slug don't cry
because of the salt from the tears

( it's funny. )

[overplayed]

would you still be my friend if i was a slug

( answer QUICKLY )

[wrests]

do you have human brain or slug brain

( the metamorphosis 2: electric boogaloo )

[overplayed]

that was a yes or no question not an ask a clarifying question... question

my brain slug body

[wrests]

it was an important clarifying question because if you're slug brain what would we have in common? if you were slug brain you'd hang out with your slug friends at the slug hole

yeah i guess we are still friends
probably couldn't do much but yeah